Working Moms: Are We Merely Giving Our Kids Crumbs?

Recently a new report,  from University College London in the UK and led by researcher Dr. Anne McMunn, that found that contrary to some past reports, being a working mom is not "detrimental" to our children's wellbeing.

However, there are some experts, like Dr. Fran Walfish who in their conversation with FlexJobs, a flexible job site, made it clear that they whole-heartedly disagree.  Dr. Walfish begs the question of whether working moms are conditioning their children to simply seek out the "crumbs" in feature relationships when they are adults versus the a whole "slice of pie" that they deserve.

What they do agree on?  Flexible work arrangements for both parents is a great way to manage time dedicated for work and raising a family.

In our family, as of a month ago, both my husband and I now have flexible work arrangements because my husband's team at work now works a compressed work week.  Each member of his team now works four days a week with longer days and they rotate the days one gets off every week.  My schedule is flexible is well as I work from a home office.  I am on the computer before 8:00am most weekdays and work until late afternoon when I pick up my son from camp, then it's back to work after dinner time.

Would this work for every family?  Maybe not.  Does every family have the ability to arrange a flexible work schedule with their employers.  No.  But I think we're moving in that direction.  But just because parents work doesn't mean our children are getting crumbs...it just means we work a little bit harder and smarter to make those slices of pie focused and present.

Here's more about the report's findings from The Telegraph

The latest report, funded by the Economic and Social Research Council, suggested that parents who are struggling to combine paid work with family life need not fear that they are undermining their children’s emotional wellbeing.

Dr Anne McMunn, the lead researcher in the study, said mothers who worked full time were least likely to have children with emotional or behavioural problems, such as hyperactivity, aggression, tantrums or becoming worried or “clingy”.

“Some studies have suggested that whether or not mothers work in the first year of a child's life can be particularly important for later outcomes,” Dr McMunn said.

“In this study we did not see any evidence for a longer-term detrimental influence on child behaviour of mothers working during the child's first year of life.

“Children whose mothers were not working at all had the most behaviour difficulties, followed by children whose mothers were in part-time work,” she said.

The academics analysed results from the Millennium Cohort Study, which tracks the development of almost 19,000 children born in 2000 and 2001, to find the links between parents’ working patterns and children’s social wellbeing.

We are All the Cinderella and the Evil Stepsisters in Friendship

This weekend I attended the Evo 2011 Blogger Conference founded by two women: Jyl and Rachael.  I was there because Plum District sponsored the coffee break so my colleague Melissa and I spreading the word about our daily deals for moms, what makes us different (it's all about the moms!), and connecting with potential partners.

The great thing about being at Evo was reconnecting with old friends.  In particular, two of my long-time friends (you know who you are). Our friendship goes way back and without rehashing everything, it's definitely been a rocky road. In fact, it's not unlike the offline long-time friendships many people share: misunderstandings, things getting lost in translation, letting our snarky side get the best of us, and pride getting in the way of saying sorry.  But with that rocky road comes goofy inside jokes that never get old, the ability to ricochet wit and love off one another in a banter that warms the heart and nourishes the soul. 

I had let a lot of the past hurt go, but had not yet translated that into truly moving forward with them.  This weekend did that for me.  I openly laughed and shared and confided in these old friends.

At one point when someone asked how long we'd known each other, I guessed three years, but we were able to go back even further, reminding ourselves just how long the fabric of our friendship has been woven.  I realize that almost four years will not seem long to some but in the blogosphere it's a long time.

During the night, as the sun had finally set on Park City, I jokingly said that our friendship was one that was like Cinderella and the evil stepsisters.  There was a pause as we each pondered which role we'd be cast in...and then, before we could point fingers, I said that at that at different times we'd all been the Cinderella and evil stepsisters.  Then we all giggled because, I'm guessing, we could all remember a time when had, indeed, played those roles.

It's true.  And oftentimes, we don't realize that we were being the evil stepsister until later.  While it's cliche to say that hindsight is always 20/20, it's true.  Sometimes, when we're standing up for a friend or we're doing something in the name of "doing the right thing" there's always someone who is being put on the defense or someone who is made to feel like they've done something wrong.  The number of times this is done because of a misinterpretation of the situation?  Too many to count.  And I'll be accountable right now...I've been the evil stepsister in some situations...and in others I've been Cinderella.  I think though, that when this happens in our friendships with other women, that the root always starts because someone has a good intention.  But good intentions can spiral into lines in the sand, pride not being swallowed, and a retreat from a relationship - not such good things.

So what can we do to mend fences when this happens?  Sometimes?  It is a matter of everyone involved being ready.  And those who are ready being patient for those who are not.  This weekend, the three of us were ready and it opened the door for nostalgia, laughter, and supporting each other in our endeavors the way we used to.

The lesson I learned is to remember that even when I know deep down in side that I'm Cinderella, to heed those times I may have been the Evil Stepsister...for perspective because life isn't a fairy tale but it can have lots of happy endings if you'll let it.

Friending Your Boss on Facebook...Should You Do It?

The short answer?  It depends.

When deciding whether or not to friend your boss on Facebook, some people don't think twice.  While others, it's a cause of major stress.  First of all, you should probably let your boss take the lead on friending you first.  However, if you notice that you share lots of mutual friends, it's ok to friend them first.

Let's weigh the pros and cons...

There are lots of good reasons to friend your boss on Facebook, including:

• They've been a friend before hiring you...chances are you're already friends with them.  No brainer.
• You tend to lead your life like an open book...you're one to share your plans for the weekend at the water cooler and your personal life and professional life merge...a lot.
• You genuinely have a friendly relationship with your boss and like them a lot.

There are probably more reasons NOT to friend your boss on Facebook:

• You have no mutual friends and you can't find them in a general search.  They may want to keep their personal and professional life separate.  It's nothing against you, but save yourself both an awkward situation and don't go out of your way to find them...there's a reason they don't show up in search, right?
• If you have any hobbies outside of work that are controversial or provocative...or the pictures that are posted as a result of said hobbies are controversial or provocative...you probably don't want to friend your boss...that is, unless, you're both into the same extra curricular activities.
• If you can't stand your boss and you like to say as much when you vent to your friends...yeah, you probably don't need me to tell you that you shouldn't friend your boss.

One important thing to keep in mind...if you're not sure how the dynamic between you and your boss is going to play out, you might want to wait to send that friend request.  The only thing more awkward than having your boss ignore your request and not friend you is having your boss discover you "unfriended" them later.  They won't get a notification, but if you have mutual friends it's only a matter of time before they find out.

Managing Side Projects When You Have a Full-Time Job

Back when I was a freelancer, I had a little bit more flexibility with my schedule and my blog (when it was JessicaKnows.com and focused on branding and marketing) was the primary way I demonstrated by expertise and thought leadership...practically marketing collateral.

Now, working full-time, I blog my about my personal experiences worklife balance (or rather, lack thereof) and my blog is my way of sharing what I discuss with a lot of people in email or on the phone as I give advice.  I also have my commitment to LifetimeMoms.com with a post a week...so this blog?  Is pretty low on the totem pole.

So recently, I've been thinking of ways I can get a better handle on my posts here and provide some consistency not only for you, my readers, but for my own sanity as well.

I've toyed with the idea of scheduling them into my calendar and blocking off time, but the fact of the matter is that if a meeting comes up with my team or one of my clients, they're going to take precedent. 

I've also thought about getting up an hour earlier a few days a week and getting my blogging done then, but to be honest, I feel like I don't get enough sleep as it is.  This leads to me catching up by sleeping in on the weekends.

On the flip side, I could stay up an hour later.  However, this would inevitably lead to me checking my email and getting work done an hour later too because let's face it...I'm one of those people who almost always has at least 30 tabs, probably closer to 50 on average, open on my Firefox browser.

Whatever the solution, I need to figure it out...fast... and make it a habit. 

I take pride in the fact that many people reach out to me for career and worklife advice but this time the tables are turned. I know many of my readers manage power jobs and side projects at the same time, so I'm hoping that the real value of this post will be in the comments.

Why You Need a Personal Advisory Board

Lots of companies have advisory boards.  Most have these in place so they can get sound business advice from those both inside and outside their industry.

When you think about it though, when it comes to your career, it's just as important to have a personal advisory board.  I have a lot of friends who come to me with career advice, but I'm not so good at giving myself advice.  Often, when it comes to making career decisions, it's hard to to see the forest from the trees and when you have trusted advisors to give you perspective, help weigh your options, and make tough decisions?  You can do so with confidence and certainty.

Without naming any names, I'm going to share with you my personal advisory board and how each one contributes to my success.  Two caveats before I start though:  I make myself available to these people when they need the same kind of advice from me AND they have all proven that they are trustworthy and genuinely have my best interest in mind when I seek advice from them.  The same must be true when you are looking at your own advisory board.

First, is my husband.  He's great at listening and being my sounding board.  He is also really good at taking what can seem like a complicated matter and simplify through pointed questions.  My husband is always my first go-to.

Next, I have a few friends who are in the same industry, they work in online and digital as well.  They're a great litmus test for determining whether or not I should ride something out or take immediate action to make positive changes.

A close friend of mine's husband is great at looking at the big picture and developing a strategy to move forward.  He's been the founder of a start-up and is a true entreprenuer...he's seen just about everything and shares what he's learned freely.  At the same time, he doesn't mince words and isn't afraid to be blunt.  (That's probably an understatement.)  While a lot of friends will put a positive spin on things...he tells it like it is.  Sometimes what he says isn't what I want to hear, but 99% of the time, that's a good thing.

I also have a friend who I have known since the beginning of my career.  He's great at asking questions that are future-thinking but grounded in the present.  He's someone where we constantly share what we're trying to accomplish and then we tap into our vast networks to realize those visions.  He's someone that helps me stay on the path of being stronger, better, and limitless as each year goes by.

I have learned so much from a lot of the women leaders I've encountered in my life, but I have found that including a few key men in my inner circle adds a layer of perspective that is extremely valuable.

As my personal advisory board reads this and recognizes themselves in the post, they may not have realized that I've seen them as so important to my career and my success.  Having a personal advisory board is not a formal process, there are no agreements signed and no real strings attached.  It's more about cultivating reciprocal relationships that are mutually beneficial.

What about you?  Do you have a personal advisory board?