« I Gave Up on Boundaries

Image Credit: Tom T.

It's interesting when you work for a flexible workforce solutions provider.

Why?

Because not only does your schedule become a flexible one, but you're encouraged to strive for work-life effectiveness.

Awesome, right?

For someone like me, it's not easy.  Especially since I love what I do.

And I feel valued by my colleagues.

Oh yeah, and one small detail: there are only twenty-four hours in a day.

I have a hard time closing the laptop, putting down the iPhone, and getting my mind off work.

Who doesn't juggle a million things at once, right?

But I have a confession to make.

I have nine and a half hours of uninterrupted time to do this everyday.

And, while my schedule is flexible, I use that timeframe to work.

I know.

I KNOW!

By the time I get home from dropping off my son at school it's 8:30am and I've already had my two cups of coffee and I've listened to my morning news on my satellite radio.

I work out of my home office virtually, my day usually consists of a few internal meetings via Skype using video calling, more email exchanges than I care to admit to, and getting my to-do list done.

Because most of my job involves online communication both internally and externally, though, I've got to be ready to act, make a move, and be nimble at a moment's notice.  My industry doesn't really wait for anyone.   It's a "strike while the iron's hot" kind of world. So, if I get an email alert about something just as the family is about to sit down to dinner...it's really, really hard for me to NOT respond or take action right away.

I call this being proactive and productive.

My family, I'm certain, calls it pathetic (but not to my face, it's just a hunch).

I've tried to set boundaries.

You know the ones.

Such as the short-lived rule that all devices are to be turned off between the hours of 6:00pm-9:00pm.

Or...

The one where I promised myself I wouldn't open my laptop all weekend.

You can probably guess whether or not I was a promise keeper on that one.

So now what?

I've realized that trying to set hard and fast boundaries just backfires in my face.  The more boundaries I try to set, the more I feel that I need to take some of my life back...not just for me, but for my family.

It's kind of like dieting.  The more I focus on a specific diet and exercise plan, the more I fail at it.  Sure, the first few days I stick to the plan, but shortly there after, it's back to extra cheese and the couch surfing.

What I've learned now that I've recognized it's something I want to work on but have come to the realistic conclusion that perfection is not going to happen overnight, is this:

• Being fully present in EVERYTHING I do.  Doing this makes my work time more productive and my personal time more meaningful.  So no guilt on those nights I'm burning the midnight oil, same goes for the occasional day I decide to surprise my son by picking him up early from school. 
• Follow my gut.  If I'm feeling maxed out after an especially busy or stressful day of work then I need to honor that feeling and decompress.  The emails and the projects will be there the next day.
• Ask for help.  Because of my job, I interact with some of the most prolific practitioners in the work-life space, including my colleagues.  Osmosis might happen.  But it's just as easy to send a quick instant message or email to ask for advice.  And I'm sure quite a few of you reading this can relate and share your lessons learned as well.

There, I said it.  I've given up on work-life boundaries.  I'm trying more of a blending approach.

So far, I'm seeing small improvements.  But it's not without its challenges.

Do you have boundary issues when it comes to career and family and just good ol' fashioned "me time"?

How do you cope?

Comments

[amy zimmerman]

I have done the work/life balance dance for over 20 years; actually way before the term existed or it was fashionable to NOT be a workaholic. I have to say that it is more exhausting setting rules and trying to adhere to them than it is to just go with it.

My advise: be nimble. Be proactive. Be present. And most important... be forgiving.

Everything in moderation and moderation is the first to go.

[Sharon McMillan]

I'm like your first respondent to this post...I've been doing the work/life juggle for 20 years. I worked like a fiend after university and loved it as did my husband. Then I had my first child and wanted to work from home....then one of my clients hired me full time and OF COURSE I couldn't refuse the validation of professional life again.

Now my kids are in college, and I'm building a business on the side while I work full-time because now I have even more time plus the ability to be more plugged in and connected to work.

Is that bad?

Like so many others have said, I don't think there's such a thing as balance. I'm with you work in the moment, know when it's time to tilt the scale the other way to immerse yourself in your family. I think healthy and productive integration - or as you describe it, removing the boundaries - is likely what most of us are actually doing anyway.

[Jukka Vuorinen]

"I call this being proactive and productive"

I actually disagree partially. I have studied some management stuff (6 years of management and leadership studies), and I have been entrepreneur few years. Proactive? Nooo... Productive? Probably, I haven't seen your results so no definitive opinion.

In my point of view you are still reactive. You react to business things in your family time. There is nothing proactive in it. I don't say it's wrong. It's just that people usually get proactive wrong and don't understand it's more about acting before.

Very hard simplification would be: if you react to world you are in reactive mode, but if world reacts to you you are in proactive mode.

[Jessica Smith]

Jukka, fair enough, I'm sure your definition of proactive works for you. Because so much of what I do involves listening to other people and responding - I completely agree...that is certainly reactive. But because succeeding a my role requires me to actively listen and respond...I am proactively reacting. If I was reacting to everything and anything, then I'd say that probably wouldn't be productive, however, I'm selective in what I react too...making those reactions much more productive.

For me, not having boundaries works. For others, clear boundaries are required. I think that's really the point I was trying to make. To be most effective in anything...it's up to the individual to identify which works best for them and their optimal productivity.

Thanks for weighing in. I think everyone wishes the world would just react the way we'd like because we've put everything in place...but I've found, for me, that for some things, looking at it as circular & symbiotic rather than linear with a start and end point, is much more effective.